Easter

Why seek ye the living among the dead? He is not here, but is risen.

The Gate

   One of the things that we have to do as missionaries is give up most contact with our family and friends at home. We get to call our families on Christmas and Mother's Day and email them once a week. It's a difficult thing to do, and for some, more difficult. For me, it's been a tremendously hard thing. In the months before coming on my mission, I was closer to each member of my family than I ever have been. To leave that behind -
   It's been hard to say the least.
   And as such, I'm looking forward to the day I go home and get to see all of them. I'm looking forward with anticipation the warm, loving embraces I'll give to and receive from each one of them.
   The one I'm looking forward to the most, however, is the one I'll share with my dad. Don't get me wrong; I love every other member of my family and the friends that will be there. They each mean so much to me. However, my dad is still my hero, even at 21-years old. I wish that I could talk to him daily about my life to gain his insight. I miss laughing with him, spending time with him, eating his amazing home-made ice cream, and more. That will all come again one day, but it will have to wait awhile longer.
   This morning, I was thinking about that during my studies (I was admiring my newly-acquired picture of the prodigal son and his father). As I was thinking about that, I stumbled upon a reference to this scripture and the light bulb turned on!

41 O then, my beloved brethren, come unto the Lord, the Holy One. Remember that his paths are righteous. Behold the way for man is narrow, but it lieth in a straight course before him, and the keeper of the gate is the Holy One of Israel; and he employeth no servant there; and there is none other way save it be by the gate; for he cannot deceived, for the Lord God is his name.

   That has absolutely nothing to do with embraces, fathers, family, or anything which I just talked about. So, let's do an exploded view of it. Let's take it apart, shall we?

I made this myself in Windows Paint. I know, it's awesome! Click to make it bigger.
(And I just checked the preview. On my screen it still goes way too far out!)

   I hope you can read that. I didn't want to make it too big to dominate the page.
   So, the question is posed, "Why does Jesus Christ employ no servant at the Gate?" I thought about it for awhile and could come up with only one satisfactory answer:
   To wait for us. Jesus Christ wants to stand there at that gate to personally welcome us home. Not to guard it nor polish the pearly material. Not to stand with a clipboard to make sure we're on the list before entering. He could have someone else stand there to do that while He attends to a million other things.
   No, none of those things suffice. In my mind, there is no other reason for Him to be there than to await our arrival. Like the father who saw his son when he was 'yet a great way off' and ran to embrace him, like my father will be waiting for me at the airport in a few months, Jesus Christ waits for us at the Gate.
   And it is my personal conviction that He waits to run to us, embrace us, tell us that He loves us, walk with us back the the gate, and welcome us home.

   Now do you see the connection between the scripture and my thoughts?
   Well good!


   He's waiting!
 

How Great the Importance

   I've been staring at this page for awhile now, yet I still have no idea how I want to start it. I've always been terrible with opening lines. I'm sure my AP English teacher laughed when she read one of my essays that began with, "I hate opening sentences. And that was it."
   Or something close to that. It was 5 years ago.

   As missionaries, we are to focus our thoughts on the work that is laid out before us. Thoughts can distract us easily and it's often a battle to stay focused (at least for this Elder).

   I have to admit, though - this week, my thoughts have been very far away. Why? Two words:

   My Sister.

   Let me show you why.

   This is my sister, Starley. She's a year-and-a-half older than I am. In August last year, she returned home from her mission just as I was hitting the halfway point on my own mission. 

   This coming Saturday, she is going to marry her high-school sweetheart for time and all eternity.

   I've been thinking quite a bit about her this week and I'm sure that I will be for the next few days. Thinking about it is as close as I'm going to get to it - I will still be here, in Fort Bragg, serving my mission.

   Now, at this point, I could take my blog down different paths. Hopefully I'll take the path less traveled.

   And that should make all the difference.

(Did you catch that pro Robert Frost reference? I'm awesome.)

   My sister is one of the most important people in the world to me. She's done so much to mold, shape, and change me. She's one of the most influential people in my life. Don't get me wrong, I love all four of my sisters and I never could nor would pick a favorite. I would gladly die (or live!) for any of them without a second thought. However, Star here has had the biggest influence in my life of all four.

   It kills me inside to know that I won't be there for her sealing (wedding), but... it's okay.

   First off, it's not about me, but her and her soon-to-be husband. I love her and I'm so excited for her to be taking this next step in her life. I wouldn't want her to wait a moment longer than she needs to.

   Second, I'm doing something important, too.
   I was reading my scriptures and once more stumbled upon this long-loved scripture in 2nd Nephi:

8: Wherefore, how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth, that they may know that there is no flesh that can dwell in the presence of God, save it be through the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah, who layeth down his life according to the flesh, and taketh it again by the power of the Spirit, that he may bring to pass the resurrection of the dead, being the first that should rise.

   As I earlier, I'm here in Fort Bragg, serving as a missionary. As such, my first and foremost responsibility is to testify of the reality of the Lord Jesus Christ. There are many who don't know of Jesus Christ, or don't understand Him. Even tonight, I taught a man who sees no point in Jesus Christ.

   He is real, though. He is there. And He does have a point. He is the point. It's just as that scripture says: There is no person who can dwell in the presence of God except through Jesus Christ. My job is to declare just that.

   I know for myself that Jesus is the Christ, the Savior, the very Redeemer of the world. It didn't come over night, though. It came over time - I had to show God that I wanted to know. I prayed, I studied the scriptures, I attended and participated in Church regularly. I did my part and God did His. I can truly say that I know. 

   And you too can know - it's all up to you. You have to tell God you want to know, show Him that you deserve to know. 

   My sister is getting married in a few days and I wouldn't miss it for the world.

   Except to tell someone that Jesus is the Christ. Hopefully, I'm praying, that that knowledge will change people's lives.
 
   It's changed mine. Forever.

Because I Said So

   Do you remember the times as a little kid when you got the answer, "Because I said so?"

   At one point or another we all had come up with what we thought were spectacular, ground breaking, life changing ideas. Excited, we just could not wait to put them into action! Who wouldn't love this idea we came up with? It was going to be the most fun activity ever, or it would solve world hunger, or it would be absolutely the best prank in the world.

   And then, we were stopped, most often by our parents.

   "No. You can't do that."

   "Why not?!"

   "Because I said so."

   And that was usually the end of that conversation. After that, it was up to us to decide what to do. We could ignore our parents instructions, angrily continue to question their reasoning, or we could do what they told us.

   How many of you did that last one? Not me. Not that often.

   (And if you did, will you please tell me what your parents and you were doing right so that I can do that one day when I'm a father? K thanks.)

   As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we've been given more commandments than the rest of the world has been given. God has revealed even more that He does or does not want us to do. I try my best to keep these commandments, although I'm not nearly perfect. I may be a missionary, but I come packaged with weaknesses.

   Time after time, I've been questioned about these commandments. Why do you do that? Why don't you do this? Why? Why? Why? Sometimes, I'm able to give my inquisitors a good answer. But other times...

   "Because God said so."

   Not quite the most satisfactory answer, is it? Yeah, I know.

   Some may classify me as a thoughtless drone. Others may say I'm an ignorant follower. Yet still, more warn me against a blind faith. Classify me as you will, say whatever you want with your conventional wisdom and scholarly learning, but I'll call it something different.

   It's trust.

   Let me illustrate that trust to you.

   In the chronicles of time, few examples of trust shine brighter than that of Abraham and Isaac. Want to talk about following a crazy commandment? Abraham was commanded to sacrifice his only son, his only child, Isaac. I've been asked to not drink wine. I think it's clear which choice is easier.

   Yet Abraham, 'crazy' old Abraham, trusted God. He didn't question why. He probably cried. Oh, I'm sure he had a horrible time the week before. Horrible. 

   I'm sure that morning was cold. Doesn't matter what time of year it was, it was cold. He probably pleaded with the Lord a few times that morning in broken-heartfelt prayer. He stumbled as he walked towards Isaac to wake him. Abraham teared up as he smiling woke his son that morning.

   "Hey dad" Isaac mumbled through sleeping eyes and a yawn. I smiled down at him and told him to wake up. I left his tent to let him get dressed. 

   Eventually he emerged. We shared some bread that morning. It was the most bittersweet 'last-supper' that I've ever had. We talked about his life, his loves and interests, his everything. He's grown into such a fine young man I thought. He's my pride and joy. 

   We cleaned up breakfast, gathered the necessary things, and set off towards the mountain. The conversation grew quiet. No, not quiet. Solemn. Somber. I'm not sure if there were birds chirping that morning. I couldn't hear them if they were there. The sun rose, heating up the land around me. But it was still cold.

   Time passed. Our footsteps were steady.

   "Dad, are you sure?" I could hear the trepidation and fear in his voice as he spoke. For a moment, my own faith wavered. And then my resolve returned. I shook my head.

   "No, son, I'm not, but I trust the Lord." I paused for a moment. "He won't lead us astray. I know that. I'm not sure why He requires this thing of us. Of me. Of you. But He has. And as much as I love you, I love Him more." He glanced at me and half smiled, then put his face back to the road.

   We arrived at the spot. We got the altar ready and then we both stared at it for a moment. A very long moment. I whispered a small prayer in my heart for the strength to keep the commandments of God and for Him to take care of my son. And then I turned and embraced him.

   However long the previous moment was, this moment was longer. I didn't want to forget it. When we finally pulled apart, he stole one last glance at me and then got up on the altar and laid down.

   I took the knife in my hand. The hilt was so cold. I looked at my son and his eyes were closed tight. I'm sure he was praying as fervently as I just had. I slowly raised my hand and placed the knife some distance above his chest. I took a deep breath.

   Whatever noise was around us went silent. Time seemingly stood still. It was already cold, but now it was frozen. Everything. However long the previous two moments were, this moment was even longer.

   I inhaled.

   "Abraham! Abraham!"

   "What? Who's there?"

   "Don't touch your son. Don't hurt him at all!" commanded the angel. "I know now that you truly love and respect God, because you have not withheld your son, your only son from me." It was then that I realized it wasn't just an angel, but the very image of God Himself. He directed me to a ram, caught in the thicket not far off. I couldn't run to it fast enough. Isaac arrived at my side and we carried it back to the altar.

   It was the warmest day of my life.

   Want to talk about trusting God? Abraham surely did. He trusted Him more than life itself. He loved Him. He respected Him.

   God told us not to drink wine. He didn't command us to sacrifice our child. 

   Abraham didn't question God when given a new revelation, a new commandment. He didn't turn and say, "Well wait a minute. I'm doing what you told me to earlier! I'm not going to listen to you! I'm going to sacrifice my son, here and now." Nor did Abraham say, "Whatever. Don't see the point! No reason! The world is over-populated!" and continue on. He simply loved and trusted the Lord. He did as he was told.

   I can't explain every commandment that God has ever given. I don't know His reasons. But, what I do know, is that He loves me. He loves you. He loves us all. And if He commands it, then there really must be some benefit behind the commandment. The will of God will never, ever lead us to a place where His Grace and love cannot protect us. It's just the way it is - just the way He is.

   I know that God has truly restored, in it's fullness, the church that He set up. I know that He's again given us true and living prophets. (You can know all of that for yourself, too!) I know that He's alos given us more commandments. I don't know the reasons for all of them. But I do know that God wouldn't lead us astray.

I know that with all my heart.

   So, the next time you ask me why, there's a good chance you'll get this as a response:

  

   Am I all knowing? Nope.

   Are you? Nope.

   Is God?

   Exactly.

On a cold Monday night...

   Monday night, I talked to a man on his doorstep for awhile. The conversation made me happy and made me sad. Let me explain.

(Insert interrogation scene with one dark room, one swinging, low light in the center, one man with a heavy fist and loud voice, and one man with a shivering, quivering voice.)

   "Where were you on the night of Monday, December 19th, 2011?!"
   "Oh! I... I was... I was in my car! Driving! With my companion, Elder Blowers!"
   "What were you doing?!"
   "Well, our... our appointment had fallen through and we were just heading back to our car..."

(Insert time rewinding noises)

   "You know, Elder Blowers, I'm not going to lie - there was a part of me that expected that appointment to fall through. I wanted him to be there, but..." I shivered in the cold night as I approached the car.

   "Yeah, I know what you mean. I wanted to teach him too. He would have been great."

   I opened the car door and got in the driver's seat. Elder Blowers soon got in on the other side. I put the key in the ignition and twisted it. The car shivered to life in the cold, Fort Bragg night, and we pulled away from Jonathan's house.

   "Let's see." Blowers said as he opened his planner and pressed the light on in the cabin. "We had planned to go see the Mortons. They live over on Oak Street." In response, I turned around and headed to their home. However, a name of a man who I had never met continued to come to my mind. I couldn't suppress it, so I acted on it. 

   "Hey, Elder. Where does Robert live?

   "Rob? Rob Miller?" - I nodded - "He lives back that way, on Springs Road."

   "Alright. I haven't been able to get him out of my mind. We need to go see him." And thus, we sped off. We must have looked comical making two U-turns on the same street, but we needed to see this man - I didn't know why.

   A few minutes later (and only one wrong turn!), we pulled up in front of Rob's home. As we knocked on the door, my companion voiced his thoughts: he was wondering if Rob would be home - he never had been before. Quickly, though, his thoughts were answered with foot steps and a jiggle at the door handle. The door swung wide, light flooded the doorstep, and...

   "Gentlemen!" Rob stepped out and shook our hands. He and my companion shook hands and exchanged greetings, and then he turned to me. 

   "Hey! It's good to meet you Rob! I'm Elder Nuckles!" And then came that quizzical look that, really, I'm quite accustomed to.

   "Nuckles? Really?" I laughed and said that it was real. We spoke for a moment laughing about some things, and then I explained why we were there. I told him that I felt like we really needed to come see him. His mouth smiled at that, but his eyes betrayed him, even in the dark. I asked him how he was doing and his mouth then matched his eyes.

   He began to tell us the situation he was in at that point in his life. This is the part where I got sad. His was one of the stories that hurt inside. Listening to the hard times that he's fallen on really broke my heart. (I don't think that I could ever be a therapist. I think about other people's problems far too much!)

   He went on for awhile and I was at a loss for words. Some of those things just hurt. Some of them just sent shivers down my spine.

   (Pause the story. Before someone sends angry fan mail (fans! Ha. That's a good one) saying that everyone exaggerates and you need to hear both sides of the story, I want you to know that I know that. However, there is a grain of truth behind everything, and these stories hurt. Now, resume story)

   Minutes passed as he told us his stories. Eventually, a break came, and I took the moment to ask him how he was doing spiritually and if he felt he was close to God. He exhaled, looked me in the eye, and stated, "I'm close to God. I know that Jesus Christ is my personal Savior and that he loves me. I know that the two appeared to Joseph Smith and restored their truths."

    Now that made me happy.

    We continued to talk and he shared a few more stories. and then I shared with him a story from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland.

   He smiled and thanked me. We prayed with him and then left.

   As we I watched him close his door, I shivered in the dark night. 

(Fast forward to the present, back to the dark interrogation room.)

   "What did you tell him?! Go on! What was the story?!"

   "It was the hopeful story entitled Good Things to Come."

                     Enjoy :)

Fort Bragg!

I haven't posted in a month! I'm such a slacker.

Sometimes people in Fort Bragg leave chairs in the middle
of intersections - for the entire night.

   I've moved up to Fort Bragg, CA. It's a cool place, really! Not like anywhere else I've served; it's a small coastal town off of highway 101.

   It's a unique town. You can hear the waves crashing against the cliffs and on the beach all night. In fact, I've already taken a cool picture. It's farther down the page.

   At the moment, I don't have a ton of cool gospel principles to write about, nor any fantastic parables. However, I'm very, very excited to work with the members here. Today, church didn't have the highest attendance, but that's okay! These members are strong, faithful members; they're people to be proud of. 

    That's all I have for now.

    Carry on.

I almost got eaten by this wave!

  

Mini-Reunion

   Sometimes, the Lord just makes your day. Did you know that?
 
   About 8 months ago, when I was yet a wee-young missionary, I interviewed a man for baptism. I'm not going to talk about what we discussed, but during that 45 minutes of talking with him, I had one of the most spiritual experiences of my mission, let alone my life. It truly was a sacred experience that I'll treasure for a long, long time.
   His interview went well an he was soon baptized and confirmed a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Everything was good. I saw him a few times after that, but not too many. Soon afterward, I was transferred. I went on my way as a missionary, called a to a different place to continue preaching the Gospel.
   Last week, however, something cool happened.
   My companion and I were headed over to a member of our church's home to have dinner with them. We had both been there before, so I was rather shocked to find a different lady answer the door than the one who lives there, although she seemed familiar. She said, "Hello!" but then stopped and stared for a moment. Then a question - "Elder Nuckles?!"
   I knew that I knew her from somewhere. I couldn't place her, though. I started to open my mouth and then she said, "I'm Matt's wife! And he's in here! Sister Brown is my mom!" With that, it all clicked.
   I poked my head in the door to see Matt, the man I interviewed for baptism, sitting on the couch with their son. I was so excited. I ran in and talked to him. It was so good to see him! After so many months, to see him and know that his testimony is still strong and that he is still active in the church! It was really a day-maker. That's all I can say about it. It was just... great!
  
   I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true and that it is indeed Christ's Church, led by Him. I know that He loves us and cares for us and that He wants nothing except our eternal happiness, to live with our Father in Heaven once again.